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	<title>clusterlizard</title>
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	<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net</link>
	<description>I love how you go right to the very edge... and then just jump right over it</description>
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		<title>The Elevator to Nowhere</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/short-stories/the-elevator-to-nowhere</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/short-stories/the-elevator-to-nowhere#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 06 Feb 2010 05:47:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Short Stories]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=844</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I remember the day I first made the connection with perfect clarity: I was on one of the elevators with a brunette from another company on a floor above mine. The elevator stopped, the door opened and the brunette started to step off. She paused, gasped then got back in, laughing. Nobody was waiting to get on… the elevator just stopped there for whatever reason.

“You remember an old kid’s show called Land of the Lost?” I asked.

She thought a moment, “Oh yeah!”

“Do you remember the episode where Holly gets in one of the pylons and it goes crazy and takes her to all these random places? She just stays in the pylon and the door opens and shows some different weird landscape…”

She thought again, “Yes!”

“I think of that every time these elevators do that…”]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/short-stories/the-elevator-to-nowhere/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>White Dwarf Status</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/site-notes/white-dwarf-status</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/site-notes/white-dwarf-status#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 06 Dec 2009 01:02:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Site Notes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[devilmonkey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rudius]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[White Dwarf]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=789</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;ve gotten this question a few times so I&#8217;ll break my habit of not ever updating and post it here:
So the demise of Rudius left me on my own.  My OCD would have it no other way. This means White Dwarf will get published, with one caveat&#8230; I&#8217;ll have to do it myself.  I have [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/site-notes/white-dwarf-status/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>10</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Import from devilmonkey.net</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/site-notes/import-from-devilmonkey-net</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/site-notes/import-from-devilmonkey-net#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:36:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Site Notes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[devilmonkey]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rudius]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=660</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Since, unfortunately, Rudius is closing down, I have imported all of the content&#8211;including comments&#8211;from devilmonkey.net to here.  I wish everyone from Rudius the best of luck and want to thank Tucker Max, Erin Tyler and particularly Donika Miller who painstakingly edited all of my crap and dealt with my many psychoses.
]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/site-notes/import-from-devilmonkey-net/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>2. Death by Mazda</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/that-one-girl-in-high-school/death-by-mazda</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/that-one-girl-in-high-school/death-by-mazda#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:13:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[That One Girl in High School]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=520</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I was twenty-five, a college drop-out working a nowhere job, without a care in the world.  I was head-over-heels for a cute, blue-eyed natural blonde, a few months into her 18th year.  It was the night of her prom; she would be graduating in a couple of months.  She had her dad's Mazda that night. I don't remember what model, but it was big and maroon and quiet.  Her dad was a psychiatrist and he didn't exactly approve of our relationship.  He said the age difference bothered him, but the fact I was going nowhere in life and happy as a lark about it probably had something to do with it.  Anyway, her mom liked me and if mom's on your side, you're cool.]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/that-one-girl-in-high-school/death-by-mazda/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>1. Cemetary Desecration</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/that-one-girl-in-high-school/cemetary-desecration</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/that-one-girl-in-high-school/cemetary-desecration#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:31:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[That One Girl in High School]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=517</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“Who is the artist?” Mongoloid stood at the front of the bus like some sort of inbred Tennessee prosecutor and lifted the drawing so everyone could see. He pinched the evidence like it was a flattened squirrel carcass he'd peeled off the highway. His voice sounded like that of someone straining on the toilet.
]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/that-one-girl-in-high-school/cemetary-desecration/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Dogshit Porn</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/dogshit-porn</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/dogshit-porn#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:57:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Cave]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=505</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I decided I was going to have to hook Lazar up with a new porn tape if I was going to get some relative peace around there.  The "Jerry Springer Uncensored" video was no longer doing it for him and I hadn't seen the dentist video in ages.  Lazar might get agitated without his fix.  I think I was the only person in the cave who could actually discern agitation in Lazar.  It was subtle.]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/dogshit-porn/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Elbow of Doom</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-elbow-of-doom</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-elbow-of-doom#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 22 Feb 2009 19:40:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Cave]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cave]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[elbow]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[judd]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lazar]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pornogrpahy]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=500</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[After several months, Judd had started pulling in a sizable income from his link farms/adult single affiliate sites.  I now envisioned his constantly-bouncing leg as a piston, pumping money from the internet into his banking account.  His income from the cave was nothing more than a supplemental welfare check.  The effects of these new-found riches were quite striking.  The mullet had gained a fullness and luster that was quite majestic, as far as mullets go, and he had started to put on weight after having his rotten teeth pulled and replaced with dentures.]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-elbow-of-doom/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Hand of God</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-hand-of-god</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-hand-of-god#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 11 Feb 2009 06:47:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Cave]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cave]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[impeachment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lazar]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=489</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I sat at my bench, covered with a thin film of dust, much like my surroundings.  I had been at work an hour or so and was bored.  I was also somewhat concerned as Lazar had not arrived yet.  Usually he was there long before me.   I looked over at Judd, who seemed completely oblivious to his environment.. even to the John Mellencamp (or was it Bob Seger... I suppressed the music at the deepest levels of my consciousness long, long ago) blaring on his CD player.  He was hunched forward staring intently at his computer monitor.  As usual, his leg shook like that of a dog having just the right spot on his back scratched.]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-hand-of-god/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Phantom LED Sign</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-phantom-led-sign</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-phantom-led-sign#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 06 Feb 2009 12:15:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Cave]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=481</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Every morning, Mr. Tom would come out from his office--which was really just a hole in the cave--carrying a slip of paper upon which was jotted the profound inspirational quote that would guide the rest of us through the day.  There was a remote-control keypad that he kept locked in his desk that he used to enter the quote into a scrolling LED ticker.  He wouldn't even notice me, Lazar and Ashley standing around, awaiting with anticipation the words that would spill out of the red display like a booming voice from God.  As soon as the message was entered, he'd scurry back to his hole and lock up the remote.]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-phantom-led-sign/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Mad Shitter</title>
		<link>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-mad-shitter</link>
		<comments>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-mad-shitter#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:22:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>clusterlizard</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Cave]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bank robbery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cave]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[feces]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.clusterlizard.net/?p=459</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I shuffled into the cave and made my way through the smell of mold and exhaust to my dirt-encrusted seat.  My green flannel was as faded and depressing as the white painted surroundings.  Thick mounds of dirt collected in the rocky texture of the walls.  Chips of stone cracked from the ceiling and bombed my workbench, sending fragments of rock plopping into my glass of water.  I sighed, my only comfort being the hope of seeing one of those things crack someone on the head, preferably someone in management.]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.clusterlizard.net/the-cave/the-mad-shitter/feed</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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