Comments on: 6. Dandelion Wine

By: JD

JD — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:27:17 +0000

nice homage to the great ray bradbury

By: Sean

Sean — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 18:42:17 +0000

I’m digging this story. And unlike my namesake poster above, I don’t find it difficult to read at all. Fits the feeling of the story.

By: JuXtaposed

JuXtaposed — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 21:07:54 +0000

I’ve been enjoying your recent stories; they’ve really reasonated with me on a personal level. Also, I’ve found myself having a great deal of empathy for a few of your characters. That rarely happens with me when I read.
Keep up the good work.

By: Kotenku

Kotenku — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 20:14:11 +0000

I dig it. Very interesting so far. I’m eager to see where the story goes.

By: Christi Lee

Christi Lee — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 09:36:39 +0000

Well I suppose if you are writing the dialog for 4th graders or even 5th graders for the matter, the goal is to sound like one. If anyone else has trouble getting past the first couple of paragraphs, may I kindly suggest Hooked oh Phonics? Be cool, stay in school!
I am really enjoying this series of stories. Thanks!

By: Sean

Sean — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 20:25:39 +0000

I have a few suggestions – actually, only one. Stop using “be” verbs. You sound like a fourth grader! “has” “went” “had”….blah!
I seriously can not read past the second paragraph. The writing doesn’t engage me in the least.
Maybe your intended atmosphere requires such writing, but even so there’s room for improvement.
Flame at will.

By: Ken

Ken — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 19:15:50 +0000

I liked this story, it reminds me of when I was a kid. I didn’t like to mess with animals when I was a younger, I liked to watch them do what they do.

By: Wayland

Wayland — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 22:30:51 +0000

Wow man. Pretty intense.